you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
