Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
so much tequila, so little girl.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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