I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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