I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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