Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
