I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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