the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
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