This is not my ceiling
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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