The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
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Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
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I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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