Texts From Last Night

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  (972): View more from Texas

  I'm scared

  (337): View more from Louisiana

  There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.

  (972): View more from Texas

  That's what I'm afraid of

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  (972): I'm scared (337): There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size. (972): That's what I'm afraid of http://tfl.nu/7af7
  Replies (16) Good night (729) Bad night (3789)
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.

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  (586): so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way. http://tfl.nu/j3jb
  Replies (15) Good night (3041) Bad night (660)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.

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  (608): Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex. http://tfl.nu/iq87
  Replies (19) Good night (5229) Bad night (614)
• Favorite

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  yea

  (1-856): View more from New Jersey

  turns out that you did...and i just found it.

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  (856): You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel? (856): yea (1-856): turns out that you did...and i just found it. http://tfl.nu/lurm
  Replies (57) Good night (721) Bad night (8320)
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.

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  (925): I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder. http://tfl.nu/ta5a
  Replies (31) Good night (4555) Bad night (616)
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that

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  (760): Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that http://tfl.nu/izum
  Replies (75) Good night (987) Bad night (5816)
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  (305): View more from Florida

  we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze

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  (305): we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze http://tfl.nu/vupv
  Replies (14) Good night (5544) Bad night (936)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.

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  (703): Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress. http://tfl.nu/zjlr
  Replies (7) Good night (2547) Bad night (1021)
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.

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  (407): My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now. http://tfl.nu/oxop
  Replies (12) Good night (2635) Bad night (647)
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.

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  (207): Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something. http://tfl.nu/ppvg
  Replies (12) Good night (1069) Bad night (589)
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.

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  (415): The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican. http://tfl.nu/ke0b
  Replies (9) Good night (1214) Bad night (383)
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?

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  (917): This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case? http://tfl.nu/t5hu
  Replies (4) Good night (730) Bad night (317)
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon

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  (860): I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon http://tfl.nu/xq47
  Replies (3) Good night (272) Bad night (662)
• Favorite

  (318): View more from Louisiana

  U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.

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  (318): U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off. http://tfl.nu/1s94
  Replies (3) Good night (522) Bad night (233)
• Favorite

  (912): View more from Georgia

  I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.

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  (912): I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there. http://tfl.nu/8rbi
  Replies (12) Good night (1468) Bad night (301)

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