ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.