Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
it hurts more in the daytime
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
