I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?