WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.