So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
