Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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