Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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