Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
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