my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
