we're blogging at a bar
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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