Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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