You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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