If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize