Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
