Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize