i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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