I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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