my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
