we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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