you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
