just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
