He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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