I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
