I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
