if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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