I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
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You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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