Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
