I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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