Having a random hookup so left but love u
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Randomize
