What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
