I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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