I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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