i think my mom watched the whole time
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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