the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
