Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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