Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
