I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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