apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
