We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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