Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
