I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.