You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
did you just send me my own nude
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON