Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra