you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night