Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
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Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?