i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
