As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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