If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
