I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
