Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I think a kid would responsible me up
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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