Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize