oh god the rape fog is back!
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
