So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
