I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
