Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
