I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
