when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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