fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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