I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
