I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
