Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
